GYSO Reviews Part 95 - Road Trip!!!

Published: 2026-06-30

Thim bursts into the room, pink bathrobe fluttering like a cape, Bunny on his shoulder like a magnificant golden god perching on its prefered pedestal.

He shoots his historically accurate musket into the ceiling to get everyone’s attention, shouting…

Thim: FUCK ALL OF YOU WE’RE GOING ON A ROAD TRIP!!

Bunny: Yes, father. As it is written.

Thim: No, what? No, it’s as I say, you furry ball.

Bunny: Father. It has been foretold in the kitchen calendar.

They all look over to the Kitchen Calendar.

Kitchen Calendar: IT TIS I, THE EEEEVIL–!

Everyone lets Thim take his sweet ass time reloading his historicaslly accurate musket.

Thim: Hold on…

*Kitchen Calendar:** WHAT! WHAT ARE YOU– WAIT WAIT, HOLD ON WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS!

Thim: Almost there…

Thim takes aim…

Suddenly!

Border Control Agent: Sir, you are having a seizure. You’re at the gates. It’s border control. Please take a deep breath.

Thim is having a hard time following the instructions to breathe. Bunny is fully comfortable accross all of Thim’s face.

Thim: Is it… the pearly gates?

Border Control Agent: Maybe in the children’s play corner somewhere. Says on your passport you’re “high-risk”, would you happen to have an idea as to why, sir?

The agent suppresses a laugh.

Thim: Uh, is that question a formality?

Border Control Agent: Yes, sir, Mr. North Dong.

Thim: I guess the answer is a resounding yes, then.

Sara: Perfect, a little bit of self-insight. Just in time.

Border Control Agent: And how long are you planning on staying for?

Thim: If this is anything like that time I went to priso–

Sara: Just a week, for vacation.

Border Control Agent: A FUCKING WEEK?! Hold on, I need to call my boss.

Beep boop goes the evil rectangle. Boop.

Then, from the very heavens themselves, scintillating golden light pierces through the heavy gray clouds. Everything the light touches is healed: the grass grows taller, trees bloom, one lucky get gets his male pattern baldness cured, and Thim ignores the light because he’s immune to bullshit.

Descending from the clouds on a chariot of white fire, is her. The Border Control Angel. Her twisted, layered eyes and overlapping wings shifting in Euclidian space like a living Escher patining. The shape is impossible, a circle but a square but a cylinder. It’s like seeing into infinity, a glimpse of the cold void awaiting all things under Border Control’s ageis.

She speaks without a mouth, wreathed in halos that burn circles into the air.

Border Control Angel: BE NOT AFRAID

Sara (afraid): WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Thim: Eh. I’ve seen worse. Like eels.

Border Control Angel: I COME IN PEACE

Snag’darr: Hey that’s just a pop media trope, not something an angel would actually sa–

Border Control Angel: SILENCE!

The world quiets for the briefest moment, a soothing sensation.

Border Control Angel: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR STAY?

Thim: We told you, vacation.

Thim recieves the meanest stink-eye imaginable.

Border Control Angel: CALM DOWN. OTHERWISE I WILL NOT LET YOU BOARD THIS TRAIN

Thim: We’re going on a train? Why are we going through border control?

Wait…

Thim: I have fingers…

Opening his eyes, Thim is having issues breathing with the bunny furball having firmly planted itself on all of Thim’s face.

The smoking musket is warm, still in his hand. He slowly recovers to his feet.

Kitchen Calendar:Oh, god. Oh, god. Oooh, god. Ooooh, what have I done what have I done oh god what have I done?

Thim (groaning): What happened here, anyways?

Bunny: Magic diversion of musket shot.

Thim: That makes a lot of sense.

Bunny: How was the road trip?

Grabbing a glass of water in the room where his friends are lying unconsious…

Thim: Well, you see. There was no real trip, and if there were, it would have been on rails and not on road. So 0/2 on that one.

Sara (hazily, waking up): I don’t have to do any more paperwork? When is the transfer to another locati– Oh hi Thim.

Bunny: As it was foretold, father. In the kitchen calendar.

The kitchen calendar is sweating profusely.

Thim: Hang on just a minute. It’s time to finally see who’s behind this mask.

Kitchen Calendar: OUCH WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE RIPPING MY PAGES JESUS CHRI–

Jesus “Big Erectus Babe” Christ jumps into whatever the fuck is going on, physically seperating Thim from the Kitchen Calender with a hard ninja shove.

Big Erectus Babe: GET BACK MISTER THIM!

Snag’darr (waking up): Back, back again.

Henry (also there): guess who’s back, guess who’s back–

Thim throws the cup down like an adult, and leaves.

Snag’darr: I want pizza.

Big Erectus Babe: I’ll order.

THE DIES

THE END