GYSO Reviews Part 93 - Fulp Piction Pt. 0001

Published: 2026-05-31

Thim: I have no idea what to write.

Snag’darr: Have you tried writing something unique? Funny? Interesting? Deep? Smart? Cool? Funkopops? fkdsjfldsjfkdslaf?

Thim: I can and will kill you. Eat your blueberry pancakes, dragon.

The café isn’t exactly jostling with activity, but for a 60’s style diner offering this thing called “newspapers”, they seem to be doing okay for business.

Customer (has a baby voice): Gar©on! More coffee, please!

Snag’darr: Well, it tastes nice but it certainly isn’t a dragon’s breakfast…

Jesus ‘Big Erectus Babe’ Christ: But it sure is a portion fit for a ninja! And a comedian! And a symbol of religion!

This might be the first time that BEB has shown any enthusiasm over anything, except those other times, and it’s at this very juxtaposed moment. He is munching down his one portion blueberry pancakes and munching on his second portion of blueberry pancakes and munching on his third portion of raspberry muffin.

Waiter: Any more coffee for you boys while I get the bill for the roof damages?

Snag’darr moves his giant, fuck-off dragon-sized head to respond. The hole that he tore through patches itself up spontaneously, just to break again as he moves his head.

Snag’darr: If you get the envelope ready, I’ll give you the billing address to ASSGAY.

Waiter: Sir, aren’t you the lawyer dragon? Don’t you know you have to pay for this type of damage?

Snag’darr: Excuse me for being unclear, ASSGAY is the branch of government that will pay the bill. I’m simply trying to expedite the process for you. They’ve got the budget for it.

At ASSGAY headhalves (better than headquarters by twice as much!)

In the weekly information digest email…

Good morning and we hope this email finds you well. WHERE DO THESE BILLS KEEP COMING FROM?!? Yours truly, -Management

The whole cafe shakes as Snag’darr feels a tiny itch in his giant nose, causing him to shake his scaley head before holding back a sneeze.

Thim and Ninja Jesus Babe Erectus or Something continue eating their breakfast, meanwhile Thim is attempting to smoke a water pipe (an actual water pipe, like for plumbing) and read the newspaper. His water pipe explodes because it’s a pipe bomb, and he’s fine and it isn’t relevant at all in the grand scheme of things. The newspaper is upside down, but because it’s the Upside-down Digest it’s actually okay to read like that. Absolute nightmare cover design, though. Who drew this shit? They can’t even draw a box!

Okay Custoomer (in a baby voice, with his disproportinally small tiny baby head): EVERYBODY, HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!

Big Erectus Babe: Why are there four people in this establishment with very small heads?

Thim: Hard to think it’d be relevant to the plot. The plot of land that I’m buying out in the country, I mean, where I’m going to run away and live a life of peace away from it all.

Snag’darr: What are you talking about?

Robber Cusotmer 2 (with the same disproportionate body and baby voice): OKAY YOU GUYS IN THE WEIRD OUTFITS AND ALSO YOU SMELL BAD, LIKE POO POO! CHILL OUT!

Big Erectus Babe: Who gave children guns? The GYSO Americans?

Thim: Cough.

Snag’darr: Thim…

Robber(t) Customer 2: I SAID CHILL OUT!! THIS IS A REFERENCE– I MEAN THIS IS A ROBBERY!

Robber Custo(dian)mer 1: FDSKALFDSJAFKLDSAJFKDSAJKLFJDSA

Thim freaks out. Because something something afraid of eels. I’m so tired. When is this going to go anywhere?

Thim: OH FUCK ME THAT ONE’S AN EEL!!

Big Erectus Babe: You know, they say the truest test of a man’s bravery is when he encounters an e–

Thim: I’VE HEARD IT, ALRIGHT, TAKE THE WALLET ALREADY JUST TAKE IT!

Thim tosses the tiny-head robber his ‘BALD MOTHERFUCKER’ wallet.

As the robber collects the wallets of the restaurant customers, they end up at a table with a man looking like he’s Samuel L. Jackson. He also has a disproportionately sized head.

An altercation occurs after the Samuel L. Jackson-lookin’ like motherfucker throws his wallet in the robber’s rubber bag. Suddenly, the robber is held at gunpoint as Robber 2 comes to the rescue.

So-called Samuel L. Jackson-guy: Okay.

Thim: Wow what a badass. I’m going to idolize him even though it is really unhealthy to do, since I feel like I don’t have control over my life and it looks like he does. He’s just going to say “okay”?

So-called Samuel L. Jackson-guy: Now, I threw my wallet in there. You’re going to get it back for me.

Robber 1: Which one is it??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? (?)

So-called Samuel L. Jackson-guy: It says ‘BAD MOTHERFUCKER’. And be cool about it.

The robber drops his body temperature, hypothermia, before proceeding with the wallet.

Robber 1: Okay, here it is.

So-called Samuel L. Jackson-guy: Look inside, go ahead.

As the robber opens the wallet…

Suddenly! It makes a keening, squealing sound and starts vibrating in his hands. Seven hundred and eighteen miniature gummyworm snakes emerge from the depths of the wallet. And by ‘emerge’ we mean they ‘launch the flying fuck out at Mach 1’.

So-called Samuel L. Jackson-guy: THAT AIN’T MY WALLET, MOTHERFUCKER! WHAT YOU DOIN’? WHAT YOU DOIN’? STAY COOL!

The wallet falls to the table, revealing to the camera its text: ‘BALD MOTHERFUCKER’.

Thim (shouting over the continued wallet deluge): Oh hey, my wallet. Thanks!

Snag’darr: …Do I still have to pay for the roof?

Thoob dooboobs

Thoob oobnd