GYSO Reviews Part 85 - Filler 3
Published: 2026-02-08
We’re bringin’ it back!
Bringin’ what back?
Back again! Snap back to reality!
I’m going to snap back to your neck if you don’t give me a straight answer.
Gorge Lookus: I was there! The whole time! You just didn’t talk to me, look at me, mention me, remember me, acknowledge me, or in any way pay attention my existence!
Thim: On the North Dong? That whole fiasco?
Gorge Lookus: Broski! You left me in the ruins of the old GYSO mansion, I almost died together with Guy!
Sara: I wonder why he never mentions you? Also, who’s Guy?
A drunk person stumbles through the group sitting at the bar, yelling at the bartender to put on Amon Tobins Get Your Snack On before fumbling away, mumbling something about a “Main Country Dad” episode.
Snag’darr is sitting in a corner, still taking up most of the bar’s space because he’s a fucking dragon, nursing a Dragon Ale barrel.
Henry: hey you okay snag’darr…? this is my only line in the post so i gotta make it count :D
Sara: Don’t bother him Henry, he’s busy listing all the things that are wrong with GYSO. He’s going to need to stay there, still and undisturbed, for a while while he processes all seven plus years of failure.
Gorge Lookus: Can we have this conversation somewhere more private, Thim?
Thim: What, this public bar isn’t private enough? You’re lucky I didn’t take you to the bar exam, and instead chose a normal ass-bar.
Suddenly! A guy from the pool (billiards) table throws up. The vomit travels across the world, through a great adventure that is way better than this post, and ends up landing near Thim’s foot.
Bunny: Nice dodge, father.
Thim: Huh? I was reading this great book about vomit adventures.
Gorge Lookus: Hey! Watch where you’re projectile’ing that shit– I mean vomit!
The billiards guy takes this as an insult, and stomps over.
Billards Guy: The fuck you say to me? Aren’t you the fucker that took my brother? Guy?
Thim: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Literally. I forgot English on the way here.
Thim is pushing up against Billiards Guy, holding his 69 proof vodka bottle in one hand, and another 69 proof vodka bottle in the other, juggling a third 69 proof vodka bottle in the air, like he just don’t care.
Gorge Lookus: Hey, let’s everyone calm down now, you know, I wrote a script about billards.
Billards Guy sits down.
Billards Guy: Tell me everything. Billards is my only defining personality trait. It’s my special interest, and my reason for living, and also it’s really cool.
Thim dunks his head, bobbing for apples in the 69 proof vodka barrel to the side.
Thim: What am I doing? What is this game? One of my halfs is confused. The other is laughing. I hate my half-handsome, half-intelligent, half-charismatic existence. End my pain. lol, lmao even.
Gorge Lookus: Well, uh, it’s about this guy, King of Vibrators– I mean King Vibrato! He’s trying to collect the seven chaos emeralds undo the damage that a corrupt senator did to his home planet. So he challenges everyone to a game of No Rules Billiards.
Billards Guy slams a fist against the post, and still insist he sees the ghost.
Billards Guy: WHAT?! NO RULES?! NINE THOUSAND?! ARE YOU DISRESPECTING BALLS?! MY dragon BILLIARDS BALLS? I’LL KILL YOU! WITH MY BALLS!
Bunny (also bobbing for apples): Did he really have to say it like that?
But Bunny is under water, so it sounds more like…
Bunny (also bobbing for apples): bbbbblu rrbbbllb it like that?
Gorge, being a Lookus, is turned on intimidated by Billiards Guy dominant attitude abraisiveness, but steadfast in his beliefs.
Gorge Lookus: Look(us), man. Someone once told me (the) that the best games of billiards are ahead of us. I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but we don’t have to keep to the billiards can(n)on just for the sake of old fans. There’s a whole new generation of games to be played, with new stories alongside them.
Everyone in the bar claps at Gorge’s epic, top-tier, shoop-da-whoop speech.
There’s a mysterious flash of light that will not be explained further.
Billard’s Guy takes off his mask, and he reveals himself to be…
Thim: Albert, what the actual fuck are you doing?
Albert (Billards Guy): It was me! Albert! Master Secretary or Something! You’ve inspired me, and by extension the entire government, Gorge. It’s time to make your dream real.
Gorge Fuckup: You mean I get to make my movie?!
Albert: What? No. That shit’s garbage, man. Throw that parchment away– Why did you write a movie script on parchment? What’s next, vallium? Gonna paint it on a cave wall with crushed beetles? No, hell no. Hell naw, even. I mean we’re making No Rules Billards.
Gorge runs out of the bar, crying, wetting his parchment (which has nothing to do with his tears), and into another bar.
BONK!
Thim: …Is he dead?
Sara: You don’t have to sound so hopeful. Also, Albert, aren’t you retired?
Thim bo(o)bs for another apple, boobily.
When his face emerges from out the depths of 69 proof vodka, he finds in his mouth something more… slippery than a simple apple.
It’s–!
Eel: GALKSJDGÖSDRGSAKDFAOIEWFAVDSASDFAEFASDF
Thim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
Everyone in the bar claps about this too. The assholes. Like, they’re not clapping their assholes, they’re assholes in the sense of being rude and unhelpful. Just to be clear. GYSO is a blog about clear communication, after all.
Tune into the next up time, to see more of how the new whole Billards with no rules thing goes down to happen from here, like always. That’s the point of this post, didn’t you see? Get some fucking reading comprehension skills, jackwad.
The dies.
The end.