GYSO Reviews Part 84 - Start Wars

Published: 2026-01-25

The following is an extract from the real* script of Start Wars, as originally envisioned by the great Gorge Lookus.

GYSO and associated chains are not responible for any dismemberment, depression, hypothermia, or exfoliation caused by this script.

*(one word at a time again)

The big bad shakedown shook Dreijersville to its gooey end. Yes, the way the shaking kingdom shakes is shaking its gooey citizens like jell-o. It’s no surprise though, I, King of Vibrato, so virtuous and rebellious, with a rhythm section thumping its gooey resistance, think Chansellor Pulpateen has a huge, gooey, throbbing, erroneous warrant out for his arrest. Asshole.

For score, but not. His scheming has brought death, apple juice, and destruction. Mostly in great, gratuitous amount. Now, we have a mission given by all Gookind to save my planet.

So, in that spring, evergreen, we announce a new competition: No Rules Billards. The rules are that there are no rules. Invitations and threats are sent back, UPS. How Chansellor Pulpateen seethes will determine how he seethes.

The games are starting and Chansellor accepted my challenge. There, we shall entrap that gooey motherfucker. First, goo. Then, more goo. So we claim. Actually, it’s even greater amounts of goo, which serves in the Navy. Division is to find. But.

Suddenly! Chansellor Chansellor Pulpateen arrives. We can win! All it takes is some huge, throbbing, gooey, incandescent, decombobulated, indefadegable, raunchy, weird, ass acid. He says, not knowing uno-reverse acid was poured as early security against rebels.

I, King whatever, will make new acid. To the guy that destroyed my planet. Die!

“Let my ass speak for itself,” Chansellor Poot says.

“PPPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTT!”

The ass goes on like this for several days. Everyone leaves.

Chansellor Pulpateen rages, escaping through the hatch to the Appleship.

“I’ll be back, hasta pasta, baby!” He proclaims while running.

“NOOOOOOOOOO! First, my plan, then, escaping? Why me?”

What about all injustice and acid and juice and ass and competitions? Alas, we may see in time. Next time on Start Wars!!!!!!

Thim: What is this shit?

Gorge Lookus: It’s my new script! What do you think, my lifelong friend Thim who I always talk to and get reasonbale writing advice from? This has happened before, multiple times!

Thim: Why do you talk like that? What do you mean multiple times? You always pull this shit. Anyways. This is fucking garbage, Gorge. Get your shit together. This just reads like the King of Vibrators or whatever is being a dick to Apple Chansellor. Why does Chansellor Poot just derail the entire thing? What even is No Rules Billiards? Why do kids love the taste of Legally Distinct Toast Cranch? You’re better than this, Gorge. What happened to you? You used to be great.

Gorge Lookus: But– But I didn’t tell you about how Lick Skylighter is his own father yet!

Thim points to a “No Solicitors” sign that magically appears for this joke, and shuts the door. It’s the bathroom door, but it still has a certain effect. I mean, let Gorge have some privacy on the shitter, dog gamn. lmao.

The dies.

The end.