GYSO Reviews Part 73 - Character Development

Published: 2025-08-24

Henry: Why are you looking at me with your brown eye, Thim?

Thim: Do you really got to put it like that? Anyways, are you a plant, Henry?

Henry: Oh golly, not this again :( What’s brought you down today, Thim?

Thim: Nothing. Just reading the news.

As everyone in the GYSO Gang(TM) can see, invited to a Sunday brunch at the GYSO Mansion Playboy Mansion with the staff, Thim is holding the newspaper upside down and/or the newspaper is holding Thim upside down.

Sara: Uh, huh. So what’s in it? What’s in the news, Thim?

Thim: Well, uh, you know. You never know if you don’t go, so what’s wrong with taking the backroads?

Thim is calmly taking a hit from his water pipe. Over the head.

Sara: That’s a song lyric, not the news.

Thim: Yeah, I’ve been listening to the radio recently. They don’t stop coming.

This is true. But he hasn’t figured out how to dial away from the Smash Mouth Only station. Truly, Thim is a man of culture, taste, and sheer fucking will.

Part of the roof collapses in a traditional arrival of everyone’s favorite giant fuckoff dragon, Snag’darr.

(Applause)

Snag’darr reaches into the GYSO Mansion Playboy Mansion Kitchen Fridge and pulls out some

(Applesauce)

Snag’darr: Did I do that?

Thim: Shut the hell up.

Snag’darr: What’s wrong, Thim? You’re usually more creative with your misanthropy.

Thim sighs, slumping into his GYSO Mansion Playboy Mansion GYSO Brand Organic Hemp Beanbag Mansion Chair.

Thim: Ugh… I don’t know. I think the news is just getting me down. It’s always stupid shit.

The brunch plates are cleared by the irrelevant mansion employees while the conversation carries on, and the group is ushered to leave the kitchen.

Thim: Sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my potential…

Of the group and the staff overhearing Thim’s words, some are snickering, and some are pointing and laughing. There’s a betting pool, and a betting billards.

Thim: I feel like I was born to be a project manager.

Sara: Not do any work?

Thim: Not just that, but also to take credit for every positive outcome. Let’s go for a walk.

As the half-handsome man in the fuzzy pink bathrobe leads the pack, consisting of a dragon, a flying aloe vera plant, a seemingly civilian woman, and a bunny napping on his shoulder, he puts away his water pipe.

Thim: Like what I did with the road side bulletin boards.

Henry: You sent the wrong picture to the ad agency and now your literal butthole is plastered on every other billboard as you enter the city?

Thim: And we got some insane press for that. People were angry. Espoobcuilly the people who had to put up the boards. Riots in the street. Great press. Hydraulic press.

Sara: By placing the blame on the ad agency for posting the picture that you sent them?

Thim: We also tried implicating their company leaders, saying they had vested interest in getting us out of the entertainment busines. Since I’m running the blog and the mansion, and all that. With my reputation smeared, people would go to their businesses instead.

Snag’darr does a “oh shit do you really believe what you’re just telling me?” eyebrow lift so intense it disperses clouds.

Thim: Or when we increased the standard of living in the dormitories!

Snag’darr: By playing “encouraging messages” through the intercom?

Thim: To great success! People got a lot more motivated, they did more work.

Sara: They didn’t want to be in a room hearing their boss talk about how great they think they are.

Thim: Yeah that was a really difficult taping for me. I’m not used to being so humble.

Henry: Thim. Now that you’re, like, five years old, I think it’s time for me to tell you that it’s okay to not have it all figured out.

Thim: Five… and a half.

He holds up his hands to demonstrate the number on his fingers.

Thim: I used Bunny to market the mansion.

The Bunny (named Bunny) on Thim’s shoulder wakes up, doing a biiiiig stretch and cute af yawn (dawww), then glaring at Thim’s cheek because he’s on his shoulder and can’t meet his eyes.

Bunny: You exploited me, father. For clout.

Snag’darr: What did you do with Bunny?

Thim: You know those calendars that have pictures of hot women in bikinis?

Sara: You didn’t.

Bunny: He did. Prepare yourself, mentally, physically, and spiritually, for the 2026 Yearly Month of the Month Club Playboy Mansion Bunny Special. Since I’m not legally a person with rights, I couldn’t stop him.

Thim: You were into it.

Henry: Thim, my bestests friend ever, that’s not the right thing to say. Ever.

Thim: Are you saying I did something… wrong?

Sara: Oh, all the time. You just don’t listen. Or care. Or change. Or make change at the cash register.

Suddenly, Thim stops, drops, and rolls. He doesn’t know what’s come over him.

Thim: Am I feeling… sad?

Snag’darr: Do you feel sad, Thim?

Thim: Well I feel sad that I exploited Bunny, who I used to hate but now seem to have grown accustomed to. I wouldn’t call it friendship more than I’d call the tumor in my left lung a friend, but still.

Sara: Oh, boo hoo. What is this hamfisted character development? Are you going to break out into song? Then dance? Something, something, piss and cum?

Bunny: I accept your apppppology, father. Ignore the token women character.

Sara: HEY!

Bunny: No, I eat alfalfa.

Sara roundhouse kicks Bunny from Thim’s shoulder. Bunny promptly bounces back onto it, ricocheting off a nearby light pole like a pinball. One hundred points.

BUNNY PINBALL SCORE: 100 pts

Sara: I’m the reason we pass the Bechdel test and the sexy lamp test.

Thim: Now is not the time for this! Guys (and all the single lady), calm down.

Snag’darr: Hate to say it, but Bunny isn’t a legal person. An apology was definitely in order, but also… it’s an admission of guilt in a court of law.

Thim: You remember what happened last time I was arrested?

Sara: I got some peace and quiet.

Henry: I got some pizza and quilts! :)

Bunny: I got some puke and quills.

Snag’darr: My migraines cleared up, I lost twenty pounds, and started working out. Oh, and I got a pen pal. His name is Albert–weird name.

Thim: You look great. That fat dragon ass wasn’t doing you any favors.

Snag’darr: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

Thim looks at his bare wrist.

Thim: Wow look at the time! Section break!

After getting back to the mansion, Thim (lightly charred) and the others watch the news.

(News) Anchor: Recently, a strange green figure has been drooping around different parts of the city. It is unclear if it is a humanoid, and sources claim it’s been “spewing all over”.

Thim shuts off the television with a big sigh. This does not break the television set. Reality shudders at the implications, and at the ungodly stinky-ness of Thim’s breath (geez, does that guy even brush his teeth?).

Thim: I guess that’s a cliffhanger, huh?

The dies.

The end.