GYSO Reviews Part 69 - ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Published: 2025-06-29
Thim sits, on edge, in the “war room”, getting briefed on the situation. He wants the Playboy Mansion, exclusively, but the people living there for some reason don’t want to give it up.
Henry: Sir! They’re too hard! We’ll never hold them down!
Thim: That’s a bad soldier! *smacks lips* Of course we can! We just need to wrap around them, tug them out, and give ‘em a good stickin’!
Snag’darr: But what if they’re too big for us to handle, sir? There’s only so much we can do to relax our front lines.
Big Erectus Babe: You’re kidding me, right?
Thim: This is no time for jokes, Big Erectus Babe! We need a plan B!
Sara: I know how we can penetrate their defenses.
Thim: Speak! Tell me what you really want! I want to give it to you!
Sara hefts her enormous powertool, Magnus, and grins.
Snag’darr infiltrates the back lines of the Playboy Mansion defense, sneaking right in.
Snag’darr (over the radio): I’m telling you, I’m very comfortable with blindfolds.
Big Erectus Babe (over the radio): You’ll need your eyes where you’re going, buddy. You’re wearing a mask, not a blindfold.
Snag’darr: But, it’s much too tight for me! It simply doesn’t fit. I can feel it stretch, and it’s uncomfortable.
Thim (over the radio): Guess who, bitches!
Some “guards” run away at the sight, sound, and smell of Snag’darr–that dominating presence.
Snag’darr (over the radio): Sir! I’m trying to sneak past, but I’m a giant fucking dragon and the clap of my claws keeps alerting the guards!
Thim (over the radio): Did you get that mask all over your face, soldier?!
Snag’darr (over the radio): It’s too tight!
A window opens from the mansion, revealing what’s so tantalizingly hidden.
Person: Don’t you dare come! If you come, we’re calling the police!
Thim (over the radio): Damn it, we’re going to need to get freaky with this.
Dun, dun, dun-dun. Dun, dun, dun-dun…
Henry: They’re playing hard to get, sir. But I know how to work this job.
Henry uses his PSYCHOTIC ABILITIES?!?!~ to pick up Bunny after a long night. Then, like from a cannon, Bunny is launched so far and fast he flies right through the window, sticking to the ceiling.
Bunny: Faaaaaatheerrr!! I’m in.
Thim: Well thrusted, Henry!
Henry: That was just a thrust, you should see me doing the helicopter!
Big Erectus Babe: Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from this hell.
Thim: You’ll have to show me some day, in private.
Snag’darr: I’ve done some recon with my wings, man. They’re working on their pick-up strategies.
Thim lifts his super important, massive package, ready to deliver it to where it was made to go.
Thim: We might have trouble getting the package up there. We must protect our game and score at every cost.
Snag’darr: Supposedly, they’re calling fake taxis to distract us from their actual escape through the dungeon.
Bunny crawls around through the air vents, peeping through the ducts.
Bunny (over the radio): Father, I’m ready to go.
Thim (something something radio): Good boy. Prepare for impact.
Suddenly, the Playboy mansion is wracked with a shaking tremor through its entire structure, support beams groaning loudly, and the ringing glass of the windows is reaching its climax.
The exposed outside of the Playboy Mansion:
Thim: Yeah, Snag’darr, shake that body! Move that tail, pound the fertile mansion grounds!
Big Erectus Babe: I’ve gone completely numb.
Thim: Don’t go being a dead fish on me, man! We need you in this party. Go eat a nut or something, get some energy into your body. Recharge. It’s time for round two. Let’s see how long you can last this time.
Big Erectus Babe: It’s like you’re trying to say something, I just know it.
Inside the warm depths of the Playboy Mansion:
Bunny: Daddy. Tell me you’re proud of me.
Thim (radio the over): That’ll cost you extra, buddy. Now go! Faster! Faster! Don’t hold back!
The slightly-gnawed and enormous, thick package is being delivered to the Mansion main administrative office through the air vents. Bunny can only barely handle the sheer size of it.
But air vents are not as girthy as many believe. Bunny comes, tumbling to the ground.
Thim (radio radio radio): Yes! Just like that!
Lying, spread on the floor, the massive package tumbles onto the administration’s desk.
Manager: And who exactly are you supposed to be?
Bunny: Uh. Plumber? Workin’ hard, or hardly workin’? Or pizza delivery, if you prefer.
Manager: Well, if you aren’t a cute little bunny! Are you here to apply as a model?
Bunny: Nevermind that, open this box, see what’s inside. It’s a surprise.
The package throbs violently, then explodes in the manager’s face.
The GYSO Crew wins, dominate.
Walking triumphantly out of the mansion, wearing nothing but speedos and a fuzzy pink bathrobe…
Thim: We’ve got rooms for all! Everyone, come inside! Welcome to the GYSO Mansion Playboy Mansion! GYSOMPM!
The dies (in shame).
The end.