GYSO Reviews Part 68 - Road Trip

Published: 2025-06-15

With the destruction of the great GYSO Mansion, Thim and Everyone Else(tm) have to move out. Which means…

Henry: Road trip!!! :D

Thim: Is this a bad time to mention that I don’t know how to drive? Actually, is there ever a good time to mention that?

Sara: Do we even have a car?

Everyone turns to look at Snag’darr.

Snag’darr: What?

Thim: Hey, my giant dragon friend. You’re looking pretty bus-sized right about now.

Snag’darr: …What?

Albert: I’ll get the dragon-sized saddles for… how many people are here?

Thim: As many as there needs to be for the narrative.

Albert: I going to retire in a few days. I’ve had enough.

Thim: Yeah whatever.

Something wines, and Snag’darr dodges out of the way for… something?

Snag’darr: I think there’s a crazy woman down there trying to shoot us down.

Sara: A crazy woman?

Snag’darr: Oh, I’m sorry to assume, she might not be crazy.

Thim: So dodge out of the way and let’s get out?

Snag’darr: I think she wants me to fly down.

Thim: So what? Breathe fire on her ass. Or maybe I can drop a tactical Henry on her head.

Snag’darr: I don’t think that’s an okay thing to do, and I’m a dragon lawyer/accountant, so I should know.

Henry: Hiya! :D I think they’re police officers :O

Thim: SHIT! THE FUZZ! Now is not the time to get moral about this. Fly, you fool! Fly!

Snag’darr starts his descent to the ground.

Thim: No! I meany fly away! Faster!

Sara: No, wait! I mean, go! I mean, fly down! There’s like… 30 police cars down there. And a bunch of helicopters behind us. And I think Albert is having a nervous breakdown over there.

Albert (rocking back and forth in his saddle seat): Just a few more days. Just a few more days.

Coming closer to the ground, the police are giving confusing and contradictory orders: Don’t move. Put your hands up. Put your right foot in. Eat bees! Put your right foot out. Get out of the vehicle. Shake it all about. Stay right where you are or we will shoot. The typical. That’s what it’s all about.

Finally, an officer walks up to the now-landed dragon with crew.

Police: Do you know how fast you were going?

Snag’darr: Officer, I’m this well aware of the flying restriction around our city.

Sara: This thing doesn’t exactly come with a spedometer, officer.

Police (on their wireless): *incomprehensible*

Police wireless: *incomprehensible*

Police: Who are you calling a pedo anyways, do you want to make a report, miss?

Sara: WOAH, WHAT?! NO, SIR. I said ‘spedometer’.

Thim: What’s spedos gotta do with this?

Henry: Spedos? I hardly know ’os.

Sara: SpeedOS? Is that a fast operating system?

Police: Enough. You’re all under arrest.

Henry: A rest of what?

Thim: WAIT! I have proof!

Police: …Of what?

Thim: Of us having a FUCKING DRAGON! FLY SNAG’DARR FLY!!!

Albert (mumbling like an insane person): Am I under arrest? Am I under arrest, officer? Am I under arrest? Am I under arrest, officer?

Snag’darr: Wait. Officer, if I don’t fly on our road trip, will we be let off the hook with just a warning? I’m a lawyer, by the way. And I can breath fire–which is actually somewhat uncommon for lawyers.

Police: Yeah okay.

Thim: ??????

Snag’darr: Okay guys, seems our flying isn’t appreciated, I think we’re going to have to take the the next leg by claw.

Thim: What did you just call me? I’ll kill you!

Every police officer on the scene leaves, munching on donuts like Homer Simpson in Hell in that one episode. What an expensive outing.

Snag’darr dashes down the interstate, forcing cars to swerve out of the way of his giant dragon dumptruck. Suddenly! He trips!

Everyone: AAAH!!

Snag’darr: Sorry! I stubbed my toe.

**Thim:* hate hate hate

Henry: Does this count as a flat tire?

Snag’darr: No, that’s only if I break a claw.

Thim: HATE HATE HATE

Bunny: Father. Remember, I am a character too.

Thim: Yeah, yeah. You want the blueberry flavored Big Gulp, or strawberry?

Henry: Is there any entertainment system built into this thing?

Thim: You’re lookin’ at him.

Snag’darr: I don’t have surround sound. Sorry.

Thim: You do if you keep talkin’ out your ass.

Thim: Hey look! It’s the world’s largest refriderator! We can move into there!

Sara: It would cover the whole ‘heating and cooling’ situatation.

Henry: Sorry, everyone, but freezerburn messes with my complexion too much.

Bunny: Father. Come on.

Thim: Damn it. Fine. No world’s largest fridge. Cowards.

…

Thim: Wait, does this mean you all are going to be my roommates?

Everyone: NO!

At an open house…

Henry: It’s perfect! It has at least one windowsill!

Albert: It’s perfect! There’s space for a desk without someone shitting on it!

Sara: It’s perfect! You’ll be far away from me!

Snag’darr: It’s perfect! It’s retro!

Bunny: It’s perfect, father. You will be here.

Thim:: Yeah it’s absolutely perfect, gosh diggity.

Henry: So you think you’ll buy it? :O

Thim: Nah, it’s a hard pass for me. There’s no place for me to hang my fuzzy pink bathrobe.

Sara: That’s crazy-talk, Thim, you can just install a hanger where you want it.

Thim: Oh, I can? Well, that would be fantastic, then. Let’s hope this slight delay in my decision has had any impact on the sale.

Seller: Aaaaand SOLD!–

Henry: Wow! Did you get it, Thim? :3

Seller: To Jesus, the weird ninja!

Bunny: Father. How typical. Wow. You know what they say about salvation…

Thim: Darn I guess we’re going to have to find some other place. Oh well. So sad.

Albert: And this is where I leave. Goodbye everyone, I’m retiring!

Thim: Okay.

Albert: …That’s it?

Thim looks up from his cask of dehydrated green beans. Don’t ask.

Thim: You’re still here?

Albert: …Fine. Goodbye, asswads.

Albert leaves for his early retirement, ready to spend his days gardening, listening to grindcore, and dancing naked in his living room.

Snag’darr: Who was that guy?

Sara: No idea. Probably nobody important.

Sara puts down her binoculars, giving them to Thim.

Sara: Look. In the far left window.

Thim looks–wearing the binoculars backwards of course–and whoops in joy.

Thim: Yeah! There’s a coat hanger there! This is the place!

Snag’darr: You mean, we’re going to live in the Playboy Mansion? Seriously? You know people own this place already, and they’re not going to sell it to you.

Thim: I’ll obtain it… though right of conquest!

Henry: Woah :O I always wanted to live in a mansion! :D

Bunny: I shall fight to the death for this cause, father.

Sara: Okay.

Snag’darr: You know what? I think I can scare a jury into letting us own it if we win. Let’s do it.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE THIM AND CREW LAY SEIGE TO THE PLAYBOY MANSION! NEXT TIME ON GYSO BALLSY!