GYSO Reviews Part 67 - Is That a Pocket in Your Monster?
Published: 2025-06-01
Henry: Thim! Our eyes met! I challenge you to a Pokemon Pocket Monster battle!
Thim: No.
Henry: You can’t run from a trainer battle, Thim! Go, Guy!
Bursting out from a wall of the infamous GYSO Mansion is the guy that Henry possessed in Reviews Episode 64 – Henry Possesses Some Guy please subscribe. It’s a mansion, so it’s not some thin drywall stuff either, it probably hurt a lot.
Guy: Guy!
Henry: I also learned how to make him say his name! Like a Pokemon!
Guy: Guy!
Thim: This is ridiculous. I’m not doing this. Are you okay, Guy? Or, wait, isn’t your canonical name Sherlock? Sherlock Guy? What is my fucking life…
There’s a look of agony on the face of the Guy being controlled by PSYCOTIC??! A B I L I TI E S!!!??= but it’s unclear if it’s Henry being unable to possess a human effectively or if it’s a genuine reaction from the host body. Now that I think about this, this whole possession thing is starting to sound like a human rights violation… Oh well, they show worse stuff in movies ¯\(ツ)/¯.
On Thim’s shoulder, Bunny the bunny buns out in its smooth baritone voice:
Bunny: Father, send me in.
Thim: You cannot be fucking serious right now, Bunny. I’m not going to send you into a cockfight with an aloe vera plant possesed human. This isn’t that kind of blog.
Bunny: But father, I crave battle.
Thim: And I crave the smooth taste of rubbing alchohol. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?
Bunny hops off Thim’s shoulder, bounces into the GYSO Mansion kitchen, braves the eldtritch horrors lurking within the GYSO Mansion kitchen, and pulls out a nice smooth bottle of Thim-brand rubbing alchohol from the fridge in the GYSO Mansion kitchen. He hops back to Thim, dropping it at his feet.
Bunny: Checkmate, father.
Thim: Fuck it. Okay Bunny, I choose you!
As Thim does a super weird “Pokemon trainer” pose, he not-so-smoothly swoops up the rubbing alcohol at his feet.
Dun, dun. Dun dun. Dun, dun, dun dun.
DUN DUN DUN!
Wait that’s the Mission Impossible theme.
Henry: Guy! Use Growl!
Guy: *vomits*
Henry: …I guess this is what I get for trying to teach him more than four moves.
Thim chugs more of the rubbing alchohol.
Thim: I hate everything! Everything except rubbing alchohol right now.
He takes another swig.
Thim: Bunny, use bite!
Bunny sits there, twitching his wittle itty bitty cutie patootie bunny nose.
Thim: Damn it, Bunny! Didn’t you crave battle or some other flowery language bullshit that’d get you kicked out of any creativing writing club faster than–
Bunny: You don’t have enough badges to command me, father.
Thim: I’m going to start screaming now. I’m not sure when I’m going to stop.
Henry: Guy! Use body slam!
Guy starts “revving up” or something, his arms are flailing, his throat is making purring sounds, commas everywhere, his knees weak, seeping into the very fabric of your sweater already. Mom’s spaghetti.
Then Henry’s Guy shambles forward towards Bunny; groaning, stumbling, knees weak, mom’s spaghetti, never forgetti.
Thim: Shit! Bunny, dodge!
Bunny: But father, I’m scared.
Thim: You sure don’t fucking sound like it!
As Guy steps over the living room table, he forgets to lift one of his legs. Or maybe Henry forgot to lift his leg? Anyways, Sherlock Guy faceplants to the ground. It probably hurt a lot. Poor guy.
Bunny: I dodged it, father.
Thim: Why. Why me. Why this universe? Why this reality?
Henry: And my Guy took recoil damage! Nooo!
A dragon bursts down into the room, roof collapsing.
Snag’darr: ACTUALLY! That move doesn’t do recoil damage.
The dragon flies away, roaring his victory over the uninformed fools of the world.
Thim: Okay, I quit. You win.
YOU CAN’T RUN FROM A TRAINER BATTLE!
Thim: What was– you know what? I can. I can do whatever I want. Bye, assholes.
Thim begins walking away, shaking the last drops of rubbing alchohol out of the bottle.
Henry: Guy! Use hyper beam!
Bunny: Father! What do I do?
Thim: Bro!! What even are your moves?! And, bro, please, bro, I’m begging you! Before this guy vomits on himself again, will you please promise me to do the move when I ask you to??? Isn’t our friendship stat enough to, you know, compensate?
Compensate for what, Thim? lol
Guy begins crawling on all fours towards Bunny, arms twisting in uncanny, twisting ways, twisting like twisting twisters in twisty twists. What a twist!
Bunny: Father! Pls!
Thim turns around from his walking away, scowling.
Thim: You know what? Fine! Bunny, use spacial rend!
The ultimate clash happens!
Bunny: RRAAAAAHHHH!!
Henry: Full power, Guy!!!
Guy (twisting): Guy!
Thim: Holy shit you actually know that move? I was just–
The Gang(tm) stands in the wreckage of what was once the GYSO Mansion. The mansion is destroyed. The famous, lovely, GYSO Mansion. It’s dead.
Thim: You know, I’ve never actually been homeless. Except that one time. I can’t be fucked to look at all the previous posts, so I’ll assume it happened at least once for a few minutes.
Snag’darr and Sara in unison: Maybe it’s about time? Like it’s karma or something? Wow did we really say all that in unis– still? Wow! WOOA–
Henry: Break it up, you two! Guy is still stuck in the rubble, we gotta move right now!
Thim: Oh shit, right. Forget about the vomit-master, where the hell’s my bunny?
Looking at the rubble, Guy Sherlock (and/or was it Sherlock Guy?) rises out of the ashes like a vampire rising out of a coffin–vaguly homoerotic.
Meanwhile, Bunny the bunny, a bunny-type Pokemon, sort of just appears on Thim’s shoulder.
Bunny: I have returned, father, from the far reaches of space. I come bearing great news.
This jumpscares Thim so much he instinctively grabs Bunny and throws him at terminal velocity into the sky. After a short while, Bunny returns, making an impossibly soft landing on Thims shoulder again.
Thim: Please, for the love of all that is good and pure, don’t share your insipid revelation. Keep it to yourself.
Bunny: It’s time, father.
Thim: No no n–
Bunny: It’s time to buy a new house.
Thim falls to his knees, crying out to the giggling heavens.
**Thim:* NOOOOO!!!!!
Sara: On who’s budget??
Thim: AAAAAHHHH!!!
Next time on GYSO: A new mansion 2: Return of the electricity?
The dies.
The end.